I put myself out there as the ‘face’ behind the page. Mostly because I wanted it to succeed so badly and I believe a personal connection works best.
I’m not the most confident of people, I come across very confidently ‘in real life’ but actually I am beyond sensitive and so very easily hurt (probably why my writing resonates), so this was already a disaster about to happen.
And it did.
I was trolled. Mercilessly in one instance by a woman (I think) who was able to anonymously email my site and leave the nastiest comments you can imagine. I deleted every one, they never made it online for anyone else to read, so she knew these messages were only for my eyes and yet she continued. That somehow made it even more chilling.
She was mean. She started to bring my marriage and my kids into it which made me feel so vulnerable as though she knew me but I guess social media makes us all ripe for the picking if you know where to look.
My wonderful friend Marc who created my beautiful site sent his team to work blocking her wifi but she would log into public places and that was her deal.
It was stressful. I would get over it, then wake up to a new message in my inbox that made my heartbeat speed up and my skin go cold.
Eventually we silenced her, then a few weeks ago, bam. There she was. Instant dread. Was it even the same person? I don’t know and I never will, this is the nature of putting yourself online, you are unable to hide but they can.
So, my point is, within months I removed myself from the page, no traces left. I stuck to writing anonymously and I was able to gather followers anyway, which I’m so grateful for.
I just could not cope with the awful feeling of opening my emails and holding my breath to see what vitriol would be there next.
I was ugly,
I was haggard,
I was a terrible writer,
I was a joke to everyone,
I was a bad mother,
I was a fake,
I was in a bad marriage,
My kids names were pretentious,
I was a laughing stock,
I was my husband’s second best,
I was oblivious to the fact my friends all hated me.
Just an example…
And all because I set up a little page on facebook.
Can you even imagine what celebrities are dealing with every minute of every day?? Sure they have the money, the fame, the bonuses to go with but the feeling of strangers knowing things about you and using that to tear you down is something I can’t explain.
This woman went to such lengths to bring me pain, blocked so many times but figuring out ways to get through. She spent years silently hounding me.
Little old me who is not famous. Why???
She never ever got a reaction from me, I simply deleted and moved on.
Imagine if she was just one of hundreds.
We, as a nation, can do better than this.
We can start a movement where people who do this kind of thing are taken to task, tracked down and charged.
It’s not ok.
It’s psychological torture and if it’s coming at someone from a million different angles, it must be hell.
I started this page because I love women, I love fierce female friendships that are strong and powerful and can handle anything together. How ironic that she would target me.
I take my hat off to anyone who deals with this on a daily basis, they deserve the glamour, the money and the spoils.
Oh they really do.
So, if you have followed my page for a while, thankyou. You are exactly the women I hoped to attract when I began and I have felt your support so strongly.
If you are new, welcome. You are in a safe place on social media.
Help me make it safer and spread the love farther.
It will create ripple effects that will have so much power.
So, we are here to support each other in the dark times, laugh in the good times, encourage in the sad times and guide through the confusing times.
I became very brave thanks to your support, I even shared my eldest’s son Autism diagnosis and you were all so wonderful. I wont forget that.
Let’s be the change we want to see ladies, right here, right now.
We got this.
Image credit: Moon Sisters