Last Week I Found Out My Child Has Autism

Advertisements

Last week I found out my child has Autism.

And now I need to say it out loud. Really loudly, until the sound of the word no longer takes my breath away.

I mean, I’m a mother, deep down I knew. Of course I did. But I was often convinced, by myself and others, ( for the sake of an easier life), that he would ‘grow out of it’, ‘was just quirky’, ‘struggled with his emotions’.

Then he began to become sad, deeply sad. The pressure of masking his condition every day to fit in was pulling him apart at the seams and weighing heavily on his little 11 year old shoulders.

The shame at his outbursts and his inability to be like everyone else for the entire school day was chipping away consistently at his self-worth, until there was little left.

And I just couldn’t see that happen.

So here we are, my child has Autism. He is Autistic. I am told that this is the right word to use and that nowadays it is all one umbrella – yet no two children with this condition are ever the same. A huge bright and colourful umbrella covering thousands of beautiful little heads and sheltering them from the worst of the rain….that’s how I choose to see it anyway.

They are like unique little jewels in our society. Bright young minds who see things very differently, who process things very differently, who cope with things very differently.

To them, it is our world which is mad. The way we do things is alien to them, yet they push their little bodies to follow suit anyway. They channel every ounce of energy they have into focusing, sitting still and following rules which make no sense whatsoever in a world full of contradictions and triggers.

So now, I am learning. I am writing about it, sharing it – because this is how I cope. This is how I keep my mind healthy.

I have tortured myself duly with a movie-like montage of every moment I have parented him badly. Shamed him. Let him down. I have viewed each little video clip and filed it away under lesson learned, each and every one of them bringing new waves of pain like a million tiny daggers to my heart.

I have almost begun to forgive myself but that will take time.

It will also take time to build up my little one’s broken self-esteem. But I’m so here for that job. I have never been more here for anything in my life.

And nothing will stop me. Nothing.

Last week I found out my child has Autism, and my world spun quite wildly on its axis. It has landed somewhere south of where it used to be but thats okay.

This is my new place to be.

Advertisements


Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
Flat lay book image

SIGNED & PERSONALISED BOOK GIVEAWAY

I would like to give away some signed copies of my book, History Will Remember When The World Stopped. Not just signed but with a …

Read on
History will remember when teh world stopped

History Will Remember When The World Stopped

History will remember when the world stopped, by Donna Ashworth

Read on
BF2B4E0E-0E04-42CD-AB16-B7CF0740577D

TO THE WOMAN WHO IS SLOWLY FADING AWAY…

To the woman who has lost her spark. To the woman whose get up and go, has well and truly gone. This is for you. …

Read on
3FF7A105-85E8-4A36-99F2-70A3706B54AD

One Day, An Army Of Furious Older Women Will Take Over The World…

One Day… An army of furious older women will take over the world. And I want to be there at the front. Because one day, …

Read on
70281B98-273C-4390-9AC4-0CA3A60BD6C7

YOU DID YOUR BEST TODAY

YOU DID YOUR BEST TODAY You did what you could. You could have done more – possibly. You could have done things differently – sure. …

Read on
935F99F9-9DE7-44C5-BEAF-882BE891D073

TO THE WOMAN

TO THE WOMAN with the full-time career, who occasionally feels the guilt of the life choices she has made… you are doing a great job. …

Read on
61382A77-1292-40AA-AD62-4046AB89C482

TO THE WOMAN WHO WILL LOVE MY SON ONE DAY…

TO THE WOMAN WHO WILL LOVE MY SON ONE DAY… It is hard, so hard, to imagine a day where I will not be the moon, …

Read on
Abstract palm hands touching brain with network connections, innovative technology in science and communication concept

8 THINGS I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THIS WEEK..

This is your Sunday evening reminder

Read on
83306544-A432-462B-B43E-AEEB4CC437E5

TO OUR DAUGHTERS

TO OUR DAUGHTERS 🌟 You were born made of softness, sweetness and love, but with a will so strong it could bend iron – despite …

Read on
795E065C-1B33-460F-9BAF-AA4CB8D20E21

You Don’t Look Like The Settling Kind, Keep Not Settling…

Don’t settle Don’t finish crappy books Leave the restaurant if you don’t care for the menu Don’t waste 2 hours on a movie you don’t …

Read on
521368950045

When You Say Goodbye To A Parent

When you say goodbye to a parent. You are suddenly living in a whole new world. You are no longer ‘the child’ and regardless of …

Read on
Illustration of mother and child Maggie chiang

Tomorrow I Promise To Linger…

  You’ve closed your bright eyes now my darling,You’ve given your all to this day.And now that you’re sleeping so soundly,There’s so much that I …

Read on