There will never be a day you don’t miss her. Never a day, where you don’t wish you could hear her voice or ask for her advice just one more time.
There will never be a moment that you don’t regret all the times you screened her call, or missed a visit, simply because life was too goddamn busy.
And now you realise busy is fake, it isn’t real.
She was real and she is gone.
And you are alone.
And the feeling of abandonment and loneliness is huge. Mind-blowing, no matter how loved or surrounded by family you may be.
None of it is her.
When the woman who brought you into this world is no longer here, it is a lonely place.
And you are now she.
You are now the one expected to guide, to discipline, to love, to handle everything, for everyone. And that is a shock.
But you got this.
Because she taught you well.
She made you right and she made you strong and she filled you with enough love to share around, even after she was gone.
So go on.
And make her proud.
And remember, look out for the little girl who still lives inside you somewhere, she misses her Mama very much.