I want to retreat.
I want to hide.
If I could disappear completely, until the feelings pass, I would.
And if you ask me if I am okay I will say fine, every time.
You see, I don’t want your help, because I don’t feel like anyone can help me.
I don’t feel like I deserve the help.
When I am sad, I don’t want to ‘reach out’.
But if you reach in, if you really reach in.
Ask me twice, 3 times, how do you really feel, are you really ok.
Maybe I will answer honestly one day.
And if you show up at my door and sit with me, without judgement.
Maybe I will awake to a brighter day.
Maybe I will look for the help.
When I am sad I don’t want to reach out.
Maybe you will be the one to reach in.