I creep into your room and try not to disturb your peaceful slumber and each and every time, I am hit with a jolt to my heart…
How beautiful you are, how utterly and wonderfully beautiful you are my little one.
And now that you are resting and peaceful, I remember all the times in the day I lost my patience with you.
The times I wouldn’t stop to look at another bug, another flower.
The times I said no to ‘just one more game’.
The times I said, ‘Mummy is busy’.
And I want to wake you up and apologise, again, for another day rushed and flustered through.
Another day in which I failed you somehow.
Another day in which I just could have been BETTER.
Because really, what on earth could be more important than stopping to stare at things that catch your clever little eye, my angel?
What on earth could take my attention away from the wonderful little human being you have become?
How could I not want to just get down on the rug and drink in every word and move that you make?
You see the world with such imaginative eyes, my sweet little one, you live each day as though it’s a precious gift.
You are right.
I kiss you then, trying not to wake you up and make a silent promise that tomorrow, I will somehow be better.
I will listen.
I will play.
I will laugh and cuddle and stop and just sit with you. I will look at life with wonder, just like you.
They say there is no way to be a perfect mother but a million ways to be a good one… one thing you can always be sure of my love is that I am trying each and every one of those ways.
I may never get there but I will love you, more than you could know, for every day that I am trying.