ARE YOU GIVING TOO MUCH OF YOURSELF?
Being a selfless and giving human being is a wonderful thing – but not having any boundaries can be damaging to your mental health, your physical health and your relationships too. If you recognise yourself in the list below, it’s time to put some rules in place to save your sanity and your stress levels.
You have an inability to let people down when they ask anything of you. You say ‘yes’ whenever you are called upon to show up or help – even when you know it will exhaust you, or alter your already existing plans. This creates stress and anxiety that needn’t occur. You just cannot physically do it all. No one can.
CHANGE IT: Make yourself a new rule where you only accept one or two social commitments every calendar week and try to keep at least one day off or weekend-day, free of any plans other than your own. Mark the spaces in advance to stop you accidentally taking on too much – stick to your guns on this. Likewise, avoid squeezing things into an already packed day – you don’t need the traffic stress and hassle of zooming from one thing to another – it is so bad for you to rush around like that just to be on time when everyone else rarely does and you wonder why you’ve bothered half the time.
YOU’RE EVERYONE’S PROBLEM-SOLVER
In your circle of friends and family, you are the top of everyone’s list when it comes to problems, drama or arrangements. For some reason, it always seems to fall down to you to get everyone together for each big occasion and to to plan, plot, organise and fix everyone’s issues. You rarely get the thanks you actually deserve – it’s a given that you will do it.
CHANGE IT: Start suggesting other people in the group take responsibility for some arrangements. It may cause a slight stir at first but everyone will soon get used to it. Stop being so readily available on the phone too – yes you must be there for your loved ones’ hard times, but that doesn’t mean you are a ‘drop everything’ call-centre for every single drama or ‘can you believe he did this’ story. Your time is just as precious as theirs, more so because it’s yours.
YOU HAVE NO ‘YOU’ TIME
Every minute of your life is allocated to something or someone else and you rarely have any time just to ‘be’ and do whatever you may feel like doing! This is unhealthy and won’t help you or anyone around you in the long run. People start assuming that you will be free and available to be there for them, because you always are.
CHANGE IT: It’s time to put yourself first every now and again and you don’t need any other excuse than the facts, ‘I can’t come to that I’m afraid – I have a busy week and I would like to have that evening just to relax and sort myself out.’ Say it like it is – no guilt!!! It is a completely acceptable way to spend your time.
Try the above for a week or so, no guilt, and you will see how quickly you free up, not only your time, but your head-space – which is even more beneficial.
Guilt is a seriously draining emotion and when you feel it slipping in, I want you to spot it, shine a light on it and tell it to move on. You know that you are a good person and you know that you will always help out – BUT – you cannot be everyone’s everything, and if people think less of you for drawing boundaries, that is truly their issue and not yours.