WHEN YOUR CHILD IS NEVER BORN
You are not just experiencing the physical and emotional agony of the ripping out of a soul that existed within your body, created by you, heart synced with yours, breath given by yours, blood pumped by yours, cells multiplied by yours..
You are grieving a childhood full of memories never made, of facial expressions unseen, of finger paintings not drawn, of tantrums never thrown, of cuddles never felt, of tears never dried and of lullabies unsung.
You are grieving a sibling never given, relationships unformed, bonds broken before they began.
You are grieving a teenager, an adult, a grandchild, maybe three. A graduation, a wedding, a career, a family.
When your child is not born, you never quite get over the guilt that you failed to bring them to life somehow, to live safely in this world where they would be loved and adored. The shame that you didn’t manage to keep them safe, keep them alive, haunts you.
Worse, you are not expected to refer to a child never born by their name. As though they didn’t exist. When you know, very well indeed, that they definitely did exist. They very much existed to you.
You saw them, you heard their heart within your own body, you felt them, you dreamed of everything they would be and all they would experience.
You are grieving not just a child, but a life unlived.
Questions unanswered – so many questions…Boy? Girl? Funny? Sensitive? Creative? Caring? Feisty?
A soul unrecognised.
When your child is never born, there will always be a part of you somewhere else.
Somewhere very far away indeed.
D.Ashworth
LPIO 2017
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