Ladies, perhaps we should share the heck out of this as a translatory service for our male counterparts…. let’s call it a customer service. 😁
If this has come in response to your concerned question of ‘What’s up?’, ‘Are you ok?’, ‘What’s wrong?’ Then please be very certain that this is not true and that in fact, WE ARE NOT FINE. It would be fair to say that we are actually the opposite of fine but that we want YOU to realise and work out why. This means you should already know the exact reasons why we are not fine, so you best get thinking….
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT
Men, listen to me very carefully… do not, I repeat, do NOT, do whatever you want. Why say it then I hear you cry!!!? Why?? We say it because we want you to take a step back, analyse the situation and choose to do the right thing and NOT whatever you want. We also want you to want to do that. Stay focused, it’s complicated for you I know…
SORRY, WHAT DID YOU SAY?
This is not the question you think it is. This is in fact a lifeline – a chance to RETRACT whatever it was that you did just say and quickly say it in a very different way altogether or drop it completely. DO NOT REPEAT WHATEVER IT WAS YOU JUST SAID.
YOU DON’T NEED TO GET ME ANYTHING
You do, you really truly do. Do not take this at face value or you will never, ever hear the end of it in this lifetime. It means we want a surprise but bear in mind we will be leaving a trail of clues to the actual thing we want to be surprised with. Look for links tagged on Facebook, catalogues left open and casual statements about other women’s jewellery/handbags etc.
Be prepared to wait…. in this situation 5 minutes is 20, 10 minutes is 30 and more than that is a bit of a pickle indeed. Call the taxi for half an hour’s time to be sure and don’t interfere – there is some serious outfit trying going on and if you get in the firing line you’ll be asked for your opinion and that NEVER ends well does it…