LADIES AT WORK: TOTES TALKS

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Something we are seeing more and more of on social media these days is the appearance of personalities who are so delightfully different, refreshingly real or fascinatingly frank that they rocket overnight into celebrity status… one such personality I have recently started to follow is Totes Innapropes….there is not a day in which this woman fails to make me spit my coffee out as a result of her laser-like wit. A self-confessed ‘fashion forward bitch’ who loves to rant and rave about motherhood, marriage and womanhood in general…saying the things many of us are thinking but daren’t speak of! What’s not to love?

Here is an example of her daily posts..

The Totes Inappropes guide to making friends and influencing people.

Do you need more friends? Do you want to be liked and respected. Would you like to be well thought of by colleagues and acquaintances.
Follow these simple steps and everybody will love you.

When leaving the house to enjoy drinks with friends, make sure that you are already half cut before joining them.

Loudly demand of the bar staff “do you know who I am?”

When they say that they do know who you are say “well that’s ok then”

Don’t forget to drink way too much and complain to anybody that will listen that it’s your husbands fault that you are drunk as he’s a tosser.

When the establishment that you are drinking at closes, simply demand that everybody comes back to your home.

Upon entering your home provide entertainment by means of contemporary dance.
Don’t bother to make sure that your friends are comfortable and well looked after or that they have snacks – just show off a lot and generally be an arsehole.

If it’s a works drinks reception you could always fall asleep at the table.

You may want to create a dance floor where none exists in a pub and pull all of the patrons of said pub onto your imaginary dance floor until you get thrown out of the pub.

At this point you could ask everybody if they know a dealer that will deliver something that will keep you going.

I could keep going but you get the picture. This all comes very naturally to me. You may have to work on the technique a bit but it is really very effective.

Have you got a specific question on this sort of thing? I’m not only a fashion forward bitch and parenting guru. I’ve now added an advice column to my repertoire. Simply send me a message that starts “Dear Totes” and I will respond if I’m not too busy influencing people or making friends.

 

It is with great pleasure therefore that I present to you our latest Ladies At Work interview featuring Totes herself…

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Totes…for those who don’t already follow you, how would you describe yourself?

I’m a fashion forward bitch that talks shit on Facebook whilst drinking wine and being a mother to three delightful children.

Tell us how your blogging notoriety came about in the first place?

I started writing the blog to wind my husband up about what I wore to work. I would give myself a mark out of 10 for achieving a grimace. He particularly disliked my metallic leather hot pants. You need to know that we work together in an office. I started writing about all sorts of other things and got nowhere until I wrote a post about my children not eating fish pie. 3.8million people read it. The rest is history and still in the making.

What is the best thing about being Totes?

The best thing about being Totes is lots of people say Hi and I get the occasional new frock or pair of shoes for free. The worst thing is that people can be a little unkind sometimes. A couple of people have taken a violent dislike to me and that has caused a few problems.

What was life like before your daily updates to your fan base?

My life was pretty just the same. I was a bit boring when the kids were little as I didn’t get out much.

What would you do if you were in charge of the country for a week?

If I were prime minister for a week – I’d stop Brexit, sort the NHS out and get some corporation tax out of the big companies that aren’t paying.

You can only wear one pair off shoes and one outfit for a year – what is it?

One pair of shoes would be silver and clumpy and probably a denim boiler suit as it would be practical. Let’s hope that it never happens.


Who or what inspires your fashion choices?

Nobody really – is that bad? I was recently likened to Christopher Biggins which I think was meant to be an insult but I quite liked it.

Any future world-domination plans you can share with us?

I’ve no immediate plans to take over the world but I would like to write a book, get my own TV programme and there’s always the piss up in the brewery to look forward to (see Totes page for explanation!) I’m not setting my sights that high really? Short term I have the Liverpool Marathon to run and I’d like to do another sub 4 hour marathon

Give me your ultimate Dinner Party Guest line-up!

Mmmmm dinner party guests. I’d like David Bowie, Prince, Michael hutchence, Boy George, Anhoni from anthony and the Johnson’s, Lou Reid, Francis Bacon, Bjork, Nicole Kidman and Reece Witherspoon because I’ve just been obsessed with Big little lies. You’d need like the chemical brothers or somebody fun to do the music, and Dangerous.
Gosh that was hard.

What’s the best piece of advice you have ever been given?

Never eat yellow snow

There you have it ladies! If you aren’t following Totes already I very much suggest that you do – you won’t regret it…

www.totes-inappropes.co.uk

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