Mum, TV Presenter, Life Coach and self confessed ‘People Junkie’ Melissa Porter on marriage and forgiving infidelity…
All men are idiots.
Really? Did you interview all 3 ½ billion?! I reply mentally.
I flash my thinking over to my son and wonder if he may have this inbuilt ‘doosh bag’ DNA spoken about. Are all men biologically incapable of ‘keeping it in their pants’? What really are these ‘imbeciles’ getting up to all day and night? Potentially, all perfect points, that are prime for pondering over at my next neuroscience convention. Or not.
Discovering an infidelity can be devastating for all parties involved. It ignites shame and blame. Emotions are heightened, opinions aired and tempers can flare. Affairs can divide families, they can break trust unions to a point they become irreparable. They can also be the start of something truly amazing. Boom.
I’ve been cheated on and when my then neighbour called me to reveal what she’d witnessed I was heartbroken and cried for days. Now, I’ve the benefit of years gone by and with the wound healed, feel a single urge; to thank my ex partner for having the courage to cheat on me which inspired me to end our unhealthy relationship. Back then, I would have never been so bold to behave so, knowing that a hot mess would ensue in the short term but with the eventual longer-term happiness goal in sight. My partner cheated on me because he was unhappy in our unhappy relationship. I challenge anyone to call him an idiot for honouring himself and seeking happiness. What beliefs are we buying into that see us being committed to unhappiness in our relationships year after year? Is this the relationship model we want to share with our kids and ourselves?
Yes, my ex was untruthful and a chicken for having me find out, instead of confronting me – BUT –I was also untruthful with him. No, I wasn’t having an affair, but I was very very unhappy in our relationship. I had expressed my sadness to him – BUT – I was too chicken to leave him. Mirror mirror..We had the house, the car, the holidays, the family, the wawawawa, you know the BS script..Tick tick TOCK.
I hold a belief that life, experiences and relationships are our mirror. What we truly feel (and sometimes aren’t even aware of) is always reflected back to us in the form of a lesson. My ex was my mirror and lesson and I’m so grateful to him. He reminded me, a relationship isn’t about security; it’s about soul style, heart enriching, blood pumping loving. So for me to spend my time branding him a liar and responsible for ruining my life, says way more about what’s going on for me than it does about him.
Love for self and others. This is the answer to the original statement.